Working hard to put food on your family...

Anyone with a decent connection to the internet should watch this hilarious short mockumentary about George Bush's speech writer.

And what speaks louder to the people than words?
(pause)
No words

Gold.

Things to consider for the weekend:

1. Consider swapping the word "rice" for "Condoleezza" eg. "I'm eating a bowl of condoleezza" "Can I have some beef with my condoleeza"
2. Acknowledge David Hasselhoff as the rightful king of the world
3. Decide whether your future son will be called Megatron or Optimus Prime. Hmmm, Decepticon or Autobots...
4. Answer all phonecalls with the universal phrase of "bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum... bummum.bummum"
5. Wear all your clothes inside out and pretend to be a victim of radiaton. (?)
6. Answer every question with a "I knew a George once..." , then chuckle to yourself and start sharpening an imaginary knife. Note down the reaction
7. Wonder what Kirsten Dunst would do to you if she was really powder and you snorted her.
8. Shout "YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING" at a comedian's gig, everytime they say a joke.
9. Go outside and start drenching your socks with water (while you're wearing it). If passersby ask what you are doing, say you are holding a wet sock competition. Then shout "SPRING BREAK 4LIFE DAWG!"
10. Wear scuba gear and walk around really slowly, like you are underwater.

Have a good weekend. The soundtrack for this weekend is:
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever to tell (album)

Giant slayer!

In Memoriam: Rosa Parks, civil rights icon, at age 92 You were a great woman.

I'm still sick. Some cold/flu jobbie. I had a blood nose today too and sneezed blood everywhere. Quite a scene. I contemplated running outside and shouting "I slayed the giant!! I slayed the giant!" with blood all over my hands, but I feared people would not understand my particular brand of humour.
And mace me.

OPB beer Beer made from...read the article.

Here's a fun thing for you, before I go to work. You will need a discman/mp3 player (anything that plays music. Wait till it's the dead of night, find a quiet, relatively straight bit of path/road (Suburbs streets are the best). The wider the better. Any large space would do actually. Make sure no one is around. Put on your headphones and close your eyes. I usually choose something haunting from Cat Power, Mazzy Star, Radiohead, Tori Amos etc but I guess you could choose any song. Now play that song, and start slowly walking forwards with your eyes still closed. It is a strange experience. I found it hard to stop my urges to open my eyes. See how far you can get. I did it with New Buffalo's cover of "4 seasons in one day". Nearly made it for the whole song. I also nearly shat my pants. *cough*

Well, off to work. Phlegm and tears for everyone! Gah!

here I am, 25th of October 10:30pm 2005

It has been an unhappy year for me. The irrational guilt that I lived through during my highschool days has shown a semblance of itself. Last year, I became the owner of my parent's house because they were going to lose it due to debts. It was actually my sister who was supposed to buy it though. But, at that time, she did not have a job and I did. A couple of weeks later, the strange boy Thao Nguyen, owned his very first house. I was optimistic. It gave me the chance to take care of my parents and ease the guilt that has always stayed with me. I wanted to make it up to them and make them proud.

I've struggled through these past couple of months though. Everyday, my mind grows heavier. The bills, the taxes, the council, budgeting, working, dealing with debt collectors, cooking, cleaning... My previous enthusiasm is waning. I'm so tired. The drawing of the blinds.

A friend of mine mentioned that she wanted to go overseas for a year soon. She asked me if I had plans to go overseas in the future, and all of a sudden I could see my future spread out before me. I could see where I was gonna be 2 years from now, 5 years, 10 years. It was exactly where I am now. I would hurtle towards stagnation. And all at once I felt trapped. I could see no way out of the future. Like a door was closing in the far end. A future that did not permit me to live. Not live in the death terms, but really LIVE. Feel fucken alive!

And then I feared. I feared that my parents had chosen the wrong person. I can't be relied upon. I had messed up before. My previous defining moment was a failure. I just want to leave this. Give it all to my sister or brother. But the old guilt grows and I feel so fucken selfish. I think, why can't I do it? If only I was stronger. Am I so used to running away? Why do I see this as a burden? I owe them. And I owe an old memory who loved dancing and wore red shoes (why did you do it!?). I feel like if I ever stopped, everything will come crashing down on me.

It all becomes a mess of self doubt+guilt+regret+frustration+anger+and numb acceptance. Like a drunken man trying to recite the alphabet. Mished and firmly mashed.

Here I am now. And this is my life. I'm tired, lonely, hollow and numb. But I will accept it as best I can. I'm trying my hardest not to fall into old habits and disappear, to lunge towards the abyss. I've waited nearly 7 years to find peace in my heart. My friend's are the beez kneez. My family are angels. If I can make it through this year, with my hope still intact, I can make it work. Look back here, Thao Nguyen! Look back here next year and see how far you will have come! I can take care of people, and I can live my life.

Please, please, please let it work. It has to work.

violent coughing ad lib

I'm starting to feel sick, which is not so good. Burning fever and blurred vision. Dammit. A long weekend is coming up (for the Melbourne Cup). Double dammit. I can't take off work this week. Triple dammit.

In the absence of working brain, replace post with plan B. Recipe for fried ice-cream:

Get 2 slices of bread. Take off the crust. Put a scoop of ice cream between both and mold into a ball (get intimate!!). Make sure it's sealed up good. Glad wrap it and put it into the freezer until it's hard.

Batter recipe:
2-3 cups o'milk
1 cup of flour
2-3 tablespoons of sugar
2 eggs
1 tablespoon of butter

Unwrap ze balls. Dip in batter and fry.

Now I shall go to bed and wait for my face to melt off :(

Old wounds and the vagabond

Just came back from a family gathering. Another cousin getting engaged. Whoopdee doo. I hate these gatherings and I hate my Aunties, Uncles and cousins (well, that's a lie, I actually enjoy the company of some of em). I would rather dunk my head in the toilet and have Tony Robbins dance a jig on my back than have a full blown conversation with them. So usually at these shindigs, after we've done the usual overly cheerful greeting (followed by a pregant pause), I retreat to some corner with beer in tow and they leave me the hell alone. Sometimes I can even tell they've instructed their kids to stay away from me, like I have corruption flowing from my fingers or something. I generally do not care what they think anyway. I used to hate it. It doesn't matter anymore.

I think what I'm trying to say is, who wants to go get some ice-cream from Dairy Bell?

Oh yeh, props to T-ir's 22nd borthday on Thursday!!!! The drinks are on Troy!

My dog seems to have recognised my mood and has jumped on my bed and is currently sleeping (with his paws in the air) under my brown cord pants. That cute bugger. That damn cute fool.

Sketching with a mouse is...blah!

Time to slow down and rest. Stress bolts are being flung at me by sneaky buggers hiding in the bushes.

The greatest rock show ever

So I spent most of the day trying to convince some council people that the name on the house should be Mr Thao Nguyen, not Miss Thao Nguyen (reminiscent of that one "King of the Hill" episode). The name "Thao" can be used for both sexes (I, infact, have fallen in love with the voice of a Thao Nguyen...female). The problem is, they are wondering why I have not sought to change it earlier (Didn't notice it). Infuriation plus plus!! I had to show them a billion identifications, and just stopped short of losing all calm and flashing my wingwang while playing air guitar with it. They said they'll get back to me.

New 'Cat Power' album coming out in January. Go here to grab one of the songs.

Now for some history, 8th grade style!
History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

Must be able to do death metal screams

Sometimes, during our brief tenure through the intricacies of life, we stumble upon things that make all the pain worth it. A child's laughter, a shared hug, a cheeky grin, a majestic swirl, the feel of a girls shoulders, singing, dancing... A folk cover of Sir Mix-a-lots amazing song "Baby got back"! It nearly makes the song romantic. Nearly. His songs are released on a creative commons license, so all you people who don't like pirating songs can download without worries. No excuses. This song must be heard.

Oh yeh, the post title alludes to this quaint "band members wanted" poster.

In the brilliant world of madness, comes this little crazy story. A civics student, making a poster for his project to illustrate rights in the Bill of Rights, has had his work confiscated by the Secret service. The Wal-mart employee who developed the photos called the local police, who in turn, contacted the Secret service. It appears the right to dissent is not on the Bill of Rights.

End tape. Please take tape out and change to side B. (translation: Go back up there and download that song already!!)

Form...arms and legs!

I have awesome friends. I don't know what I did to get their friendship. They are like gods, infused with the essence of David Hasselhoff, hell bent on doing everything possible to make my life as joyful as possible. I think they even shoot lasers out of their eyes. And play jazz flute with their toes. And they can assemble to form some kind of party voltron. True story.

- The first place we went to was tiny, but it had a billion private functions on. And their was a couple on the couch making out for hours. And hours. And hours.

- Met 2 bogans there, who were not from melbourne. They asked me where they should go and I mentioned an irish pub down the road, to which one of them replied "Do I look Irish to you!?". No, I suppose you don't.

- Tequila shots can either work for, or against you.

- Bringing a 12 pack of beer for a train ride is not recommended

- Running up to your friends and shouting "anal" while they are kissing *is* funny

- Singing, nay, shouting Eternal Flame by the Bangles makes the taxi go twice as fast.

- Eggs, bacon, baked beans, hash browns, toast and guava juice are ingredients for an epic breakfast when your drunk and it's 6:30am. Thanks for that lani

Presents in the order of weirdness:

Big Day Out Ticket (Yes!!! Stooges and Mars Volta!!) - From Crackers, Beccsta, Flyboy and Kateo
A giant framed collage picture of me - From Rick and Brooke
A robot cake that Beccsta made for me
A strange bag thing that goes hot when you click it - From Brooke
A flower, picked froma church - From Beccsta
The key to my soul (which was really just some poor sods key that dropped on the dance floor) - From everyone
A multi-coloured Gummi bear - From Beccsta
and finally... a vibrator from a vending machine (yes, a sex machine. No not James Brown) - From Beccsta and Crackers

After many beers, bourbons, tequila shots (areeba! bang bang bang!!), fist pumping, Toto - Africa and hugging, we all stumbled out of place at bout 4ish. Across the road, a fight broke out. I don't know if people have seen these kinds of fights, but it basically involves a group of testosterone filled idiots circling each other and their bimbo girlfriends screeching "NOOOOOOOOO" in the background. Beccsta walked towards them and started screeching randomly to mock them. I ran after her in case anything happened, but I think I just brain farted and flipped out half way, cause I ran right past her and straight into the fight shouting "Mess him up!!! Mess him up!! If you don't do it I will!!". Beccsta saw me run past and started screeching "NOOOOO THAOOOO!!!". The screech was huge. It must have reached the copshop because a whole battalion of cops rocked up. Anyway, we had a good laugh about that in the taxi. In hindsight (which is always 20/20), not the best of ideas...

I wonder what life would be like if Africa by Toto was a song that never ends. Hmmm, you think I can mix martini's with this vibrator?

Thanks for being my friends.

Listen up y'all it's a SABOTAGE!!

Well then, 6 mins past 12. Happy birthday to me. Might go treat myself to an ice-cream cake and then dance like James Brown for a little while :D YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAO NGUYEN, 22! Who would have thunk it! 14th of october. Wooooo!

...then Buddha spear tackled him and I was flabbergasted!

I found this picture amusing. It's a page from an old christian coloring book. The sentences read:

Here is a man from India
He is praying to his god
His god cannot help him
This man must know about Jesus
Can you think of some ways to help him?

I view Buddhism as more of a set of philosophies, not a 'religion' per se. It is often mixed up with Taoism, which is a more 'traditional' religion. Contrary to popular belief, Buddha is not considered a god. He is viewed as an 'enlightened' man, who set about creating philosophies to live life and achieve 'enlightenment'. Buddhism encourages learning, so you can believe in different religions (hence some Buddhists are Taoists aswell, which leads to the mix up). It all goes crazy when you mix Buddhism together with Taoism and superstitious customs. Gah! That conludes religion 101 (probably all wrong info anyway). Hooray!

Now for more important things. How to make sushi, taught by a couple of perverted looking middle aged men in cheap ass kimonos. Hai!

Listen as I play the flute: two! two!

Yo Mr Bloggy. Haven't updated you in a while, have I? Sorry boy-o, didn't have internet access where I was. Been offering my supreme pruning services (*flex*flex*) to a farm and didn't bother going home. Can't wait till summer so I can sleep outside the car.

So it's my birthday on the 14th. Gonna be 22. Twenty two. two two. If only I wasn't in such a foul mood. I've been unhappy lately. I know better than to whine and mope for people to see though. No emo crying here dammit. The only wish I have is too survive this year with my mind and sanity intact (Although I fear I could turn into..I dunno...a raging fricken werewolf or something before years end). After that, I think things will look up. I plan to go back to school. I yearn for knowledge. I just need time, just a little more time.

Well, now since I'm still awake at such an early time, I'm going to go fart on my sisters head and wake her up so she can cook for me. Crass and Lazy? You betcha!

Oh, does anyone know how to properly make sushi? I feel like making em now. Sushi for breakfast you say? Damn right I say!!! (will probably make multiple trips to the toilet though...MAKE WAY!)

I liked this:

The colors
of the flowers
have already
faded away
while
I sit here
in idle thoughts

My life
passes vainly by
as I watch
the rain fall

I do nothing in this life
other than chase myself

swoosh

I thought someone might like this. Some guy styled is hair into a hat. Also, being a gigantic fan of watermelons (I'm part of the watermelon club), I found this cool.

I owe Thao, one blog entry. From Thao

The man has a point...

From an MSN conversation just before:

Smoke Stained (I live in a fucken igloo) says: thao u should do 1000 reps on one arm and none on the other, till people start calling u the hammer

Ernest Hemingway, The Drop Kick Murphys, a blood nose and prawn crackers

...like the title says, this is my time bitches!

A pot of PJ's Vic Bitter thanks

This just makes me..... *sigh* How are you supposed to do your cool smoking pose with a can?. What will they think of next? Tomacco is reality!

Whatta ya mean speed metal ain't romantic?

My sister asked me to find a nice song for her wedding dance. It got me thinking of what I would use for my wedding. Would I go for something as crazy as the Ewok's celebration at the end of Return of the Jedi, otherwise known as the "Yub Nub" dance. Jack Black's version of "Let's get it on" is a definate contender. If I was in a funk mood, probably Skaddabox's "Magic Hands" would be my choice. Would the Beastie Boys "Sabotage" work? Instead of kissing we'd high five? Or maybe the Streets "Wouldn't have it any other way", with such romantic lines as:

"But as I watch the big screen, I know I will quite miss, Me and her roachin a spliff watchin the tv again".

Beautiful. Maybe for a rock wedding I could have At the Drive-in's "Arc arsenal", "Have you, ever tasted skin?". The cheesy Belinda Carlisle "Leave a light on for me" would be for the 80's lovers. Cafe tacuba's "Ojala Oue Llueva Cafe"? (Don't ask for the lyrics) Great for those weddings in paradise. A beach wedding like that moron Pamela Anderson had. Donovan Frankenreiter's "On my mind" would probably be better for a beach wedding actually. Infact, nearly any song of Donovan/Jack Johnson/Xavier Rudd/The Beautiful girls would suffice. The cure has some great songs for depressive lovers. "Friday I'm in love", "Just like heaven",
If I was in a funny mood, Tom Waits song "Christmas card from a hooker in Minneapolis" would provide some chuckles. Ween's "Waving my dick in the wind" would be completely inappropriate. Hehe. The indie crew would probably lap up Sigur Ros's "Njosnavelin (Nothing Song)". No lyrics for that one either. Those boys actually make up some of the words in their lyrics. Gah! I've exhausted myself on wacky songs. I'm just being silly now.

We have come for ze tofu!

Curses, of curse! I've run out of tofu (and noodles, and flour..). I need something quick to eat that's not prawn crackers!

This may sound stupid, but I always assumed that 'Memoirs of a Geisha' was based on a real person. Imagine my suprise to find out it's not. I've been robbed!

This must be your doing Saruman!!!! You rat bastard! *shakes fist*

The hilltop hoods are backstage! *wink*wink*

Years ago I met a girl. Well not really meet, but more like watched. And even then, I don't remember what she looked like. She was a busker, and I was wandering through Collingwood. With her worn violin, she made people all around her stop and listen. It was a strange sight, and I remember I messaged a friend with the word "Wow", because it was really all I could say. I won't say she was a stunning girl with angelic features, rather more non-descript and plain. She had a quiet determination about her, as she played the same piece of music over and over again. I don't remember the exact tune, but I always seem to connect it to Debussy's "Claire de lune". It was beautiful. I'm sure she noticed me after awhile, as she stared at me for a second, with a 'what-are-you-staring-at-you-wierd-drunken-tightarse-boy? Drop-me-some-fricken-money already'... I think you all know the face. For the sake of preservation, I dropped in $4. Yeh, yeh, she was right. Complete tight arse.

This morning I found myself wondering how her life turned out.

Block Party was great last night. Went till late-ish so I missed Jess's birthday party. I hope she accepts my apology, but I know she doesn't read this blog anyway. I'll try an make her something nice

I've got Hip Hop taste buds

I had the best dream once. Me and my friends were hippies (long hair, bandanas, colourful garbs) and we were hiding behind an old looking fence, while the whole Nazi Germany army was rapidly advancing. All we had left were a couple of "6-shooter" guns (like the one's Clint Eastwood likes to lug around). Outnumbered, and lacking in hope, we decided to have one last hurrah and take out as many soldiers down as we could. The second we jumped out from behind the fence (in a sort of John Woo action dive), everything went into slow motion and Apollo Four Forty's "Stop the Rock" came on. I don't know if people know this song, but the lyrics go:

Shake that paranoia, can't stop the rock!
Come move me move me
Dancing like Madonna, into the groovy!

Stop the rock, can't stop the rock
You can't stop the rock, can't stop the rock

Unfortunately we all were gunned down. But we went down to a beat, which is really all you can ever ask for. Anyway, best dream ever!

In a couple fo hours, I go towards an event called "Block Party", which is a showcase of Aussie Hip Hop acts under the label of "Obese Records". Should be epic (as Quicky would say). Also hopefully I can drop by to wish Jess a happy birthday later in the night. I hope she fulfills her promise and dance's on a table for me. I'm a simple man. Tonight I can pretend that nothing has a hold of me.

Sometimes I wished I lived in America. Rarely though