4:24am Title change: I'll meet you half way to the sky, between Sigur Ros and Beth Gibbons..

Yesterday I woke up and found my throat in flames. Like a million emo kids were prodding it with tridents (yes, I know...I get paid in dollars, but I make no sense). I somehow convinced myself that I had lost my voice, and stumbled around the house for an hour answering people only with nods and hand gestures, not daring say anything.

It's always the quiet nights that get ya. I only wanted to catch up with some mates....
But how did I end up sitting on a bench at 4:30am, with 2 other idiots, scanning the movie listings for a movie playing at that time? (While jazz flute songs were wafting out of the car stereo)
How did I end up at 7-Eleven (at 5:30am) mulling over a decision to either buy a hot chicken roll, or get a king size sausage roll & a can of "V"? (I got the Chicken Roll, or "Salmonella Roll", as my friend aptly calls them)
How did I end up offering strange bogans, in the middle of some back street, if they need help pushing their car? (6:00am)
How did I end up watching Bryan 'I LOVE M.A.S.H' Cain (6:30am) throw up Niagra fricken falls? ("I swear it was the stomach ulceeeer")
How did I end up at Eastland Shopping Centre (8:00am), waiting for Safeway (or was it Coles?) to open, knowing perfectly well that the one near my house is open 24/7?
How did I end up being amongst the first people into the Dorset Gardens Pokies area when it opens at 9:00am?
How did I end up watching Bryan 'SCIMITAAAAR' Cain win nearly $200 on the pokies machine, while the morning birds were chirping at me?

If I didn't bail when they were going to the op-shop (at 10:00am), who knows what would've happened... There was talk of pool, go-karts, city...

I have a place I away to, when I need a place to think and be moody. It's nothing too special. No special land behind strange wardrobes for me. It's the carpark of my local Safeways. I have this carpark lamp I usually park under that faces the main road. Often, I can be found here at night (if anyone's looking for me), sitting on the bonnet of my car and smoking a cigarette while pondering over random shit. This may sound silly, but I enjoy watching the cars go up and down this road. Since the road is straight for quite awhile, I imagine the lone cars driving pass are going somewhere far, far away. Somewhere else but here. I imagine myself one day on this road driving somewhere distant. ...and the world will swallow me whole.. Yeh, I'm a kid sometimes. Naive imagination.
The illusion kinda ends as fast as it materializes though, as I know full well where this road goes.
I wonder where other people go to be alone or get away from the "hustle bustle"?

When they find me, slumped over a table
At the age of 21
Will they blame it on old age?

I'm a raisin, she's a cow

Still sick.
At 1:30am. Bored. Completely bored (word to your mother). Drugged up (meds of course) but with no outlet to release. So I logged on to find myself something to do. Ended up being sucked into a "24" marathon tv stream. Mistake number 1. It didn't help that the "tv" channel had one of the most "cute" watermark/ad I've seen in a while. Emblazoned, in harsh white, was:
MORE @ WEBRATS.COM
PORN, SIMPSON, FAMILY GUY, MORE!!
Porn, Simpsons and Family guy was all I really needed.
5 hours into the marathon, I start feeling sorry for Ol' Jack Bauer. He finally finds some sort of happiness, but terrorists and hot assassins always seem to get in his way. We're kindred spirits Jack Bauer, I mean brother! *sniff* It got me thinking about my days though. I don't get into nearly as much shit as he does. With a keen eye, and the spirit of Sherlock Holmes flowing through my veins (yes, on my days off, I invoke the power of dead fictional people...) I set out to document today. Kinda...sorta.

The following happens between 1:30am to 6:00pm:
1:30am - Find the 24 stream. Eyes resign themselves to a life of dust and dryness.
3:00am - Hope that Audrey and Jack's relationship can survive. Walk out to get a drink. Contemplate army rolling to the fridge (for shits and giggles). Decide against it. Get to the fridge to find a billion different flavoured drinks. Lose my mind trying to choose what to drink
6:00am - Silently screaming at the screen, telling the marathon to finish up so I can go to the toilet and sleep (not in the toilet, ofcourse)
8:00am - It finally ends. Poor Jack bauer. Sleep comes
12:00pm - Wake up. It's fricken sunny for once. Stumble out to find food. Drop last egg. Face like a drop pie, the day the music died. Settle for cornflakes. Swear it tastes bitter. Too bitter.
12:30pm - Leave house to rustle up some adventures, similar to Jack Bauer's exploits. First stop, op shop.
1:00pm - Leave shop grinning like a fool. 50c for "Music from the Sting" cassette tape. Immediately plonk it into the player. I now have a soundtrack to my life.
*break*
Listening to the tape, made me feel like I was in a fricken silent movie. It was surreal. Suddenly I was driving much slower, enjoying the sunny day. Everytime I went to say something (ordering food, talking to people etc) all that popped into my head was a black screen, with what I was going to say, emblazoned on it. I couldn't help it. At one point, when I nearly hit another car, all that came into my head (unfortunately) was a black screen, witht he words "BAM!" written on it....
*End break*
3:00pm - During this time, have been at a shopping centre eating chips and browsing shops. Cough up something alien. Decide to leg it home.
3:30pm - Come home to find that my dad has finally been given his hearing aid. Stand at various places in the house, shouting and whispering at my dad. Life, officially gone down the drain.
4:00pm - A glass of Milo gives me enough energy to trim my fingernails. Sleep ensues.
6:00 pm - Start this post. Check checklist. Terrorists = 0 Hot assassins = 0 Nukes = 0

hmmmm nothing much at all, although it wasn't really a 24 hour log. I'm one of those people that excitement would walk by while covering their faces..
I made the stupid mistake of helping my sister and her boyfriend out with their house. Being sick and clearing trees and bushes between 7:30pm and 9:30pm in freezing weather, is not my idea of a good time. Naked female models spear tackling me would be my idea of a good time. But, a promise is a promise. And I have been doing that till my brain fell out of my head and I had to sheepishly pick it back up, trying not to face plant the floor. Cop that Jack Bauer!!

Brain, fed up with our relationship, leaves me for younger person :(

I'm sick.
The foundations in my brain have collapsed.
I hope Mr. Brain gets out in time. Looks like he has to shack up in a hotel for a couple of days.... everybody, a collective "awwwwwwww"


On that note, I leave this post, shadowed by the crazy Japanese condom packet....I know you've dreamt about it.

Recipe for decadence and debauchery

Random musings from a random night

Elektra, famed super hero and random snogger.

9 times out of 10, your missing friend is not currently in battle with someone who may, or may not be, the boyfriend of said Elektra. Usually the checking of old haunts is in order, specifically the toilet. Simply shouting "J-Dog!" will not make your friend materialize though.

Dancing really does soothe the soul. Specifically dancing to Toto - Africa

The robot dance is coming back in fashion.

Quicky has the dance moves that fit like lego to Cher's (pronounced "Ch-ur" in my book..) "If I could turn back time"

When someone pulls a chair from under you, make sure it's not an actual worker, come to clear your drinks, before you push them. They'll 'stink eye' you if you do

Looking for a black jack table at crown casino with $2 in your hands at 5am is not recommended

Hot fingers is the biz.

Texting (sms) the dj abusive messages when he does not play your requests is fun.

Best line of the night, that Flyboy may or may not have said to Mandy, before her abrupt leaving:
"Your a girl, I'm a girl, eyyyyyyyyyy" (with fonzy hand movements)

EDIT: A more detailed account of the night can be found here, at Cracker's Blog. J-Dogg = Flyboy, T-Nugg = Me. Ach! too many nicknames...

Darth Vader swaps numbers with chicks. Hilarity ensues..

Yoda is a pimp!? I knew it!!!! I think he's saying "Up pay you will"

Go home and tell your mum about us, Timmy!

"Half-arsed Super guy" (me) and his partner, "Bundy Man" (with undies on the outside), have saved the world again. Stopping gate crashers and quenching thirsts. Too bad arch nemesis of "Bundy man", "Hangover Whore", didn't materialize...
"Team Fire Loins" consisted of us 2 and:
Ferris - The Guardian of Ferris Bueller, with the power to fossilize her enemies with the earth ring she stole from one of the planeteers. Also has the power to honk the horn longer than courtesy length
Green Crusader - Wields a scepter that dishes out heat stroke to her enemies. Also can steal your soul and replace it with pure rock. As is in Led Zepplin etc
Captain Dork - Wise and unforgiving...err...what was your power Crackers? His one weakness is pickles to the face.
King Tut/Farooq - Blinds enemies with his shimmering cape by spinning on the spot. For 5 hours. Also, was once a wrestler.
The Teal Zorro/Vasqeul/El Capitan - Zorro's dodgy knock-off. Wears teal kevlar. Like Batman he says...
Sexy man - He didn't dress up (after telling him twice!). Says he came as sexy man
Lani - Holds the power of the designated driver

Hmmm, I think that's it. Btw, I had the power of the sprained left shoulder. Costume parties are crrraaazzy.

EDIT: Captain Dork's skill was to steal the necklace of the gate crasher, then do a jig over the spoils of battle and recieve many high fives from all involved.

Songs in the key of HP Lovecraft

Post in the style of HP Lovecraft!:
This damnable journal is the last testament of my accursed existence. I, Thao Nguyen, am no more. He comes for me. The dark one, he hungers for fulfillment. The demon horns are sounding, but he will not find a willing particapent. An empty shell awaits him, I having cast myself into the oblivion behind the cupboard.

I leave this, only to impart certain truths and facts, to whoever has the misfortune of this knowledge. What can be said of what I've seen? Out of the night, it emerged, dark wings limping in and out of sight. Whispers, through the corridors speak of dark odious happenings. I sit for hours, crazed, delirious, turning inwards, as it sits in the corner of the room. A gibbering degenerate DVD. A gift, a gift. From one's who have tread the empty night. My colleagues deny it's existence. They maintain that I am overworked, tired.

Perhaps I am. My mind is cluttered with memories and crazed screaming.

My fate is near. Something is stirring behind my door. I hear. I smell. It is maddening! My god, Rocky Jones Space Ranger! You shall not have me! Oblivion will claim me now!

Alright, I kinda fudged that. My friends, Captain Oates and Flyboy, sent me this from Adelaide. It looks like the epicenter of cheese. The monument of Cheese town. The cheesiest of the cheese, the illest of the ill. It is golden. Haven't had the chance to watch it yet though. It also came with a card that reads "For your kitchen tea"..... eh? These crazy Adelaidians and their kitchen tea cards.. Thanks for the present! I don't deserve these lavish gestures.

A chinese author has written a love story completely in code. Hu Wenliang says he will reward the person that decodes his novel. I bet it's a dud.

Never, ever, get caught by the police while wearing something like this. He doesn't look too worried about it though. Not stoked, but still not fussed.

When it's spring again, I might make something like this. A lawn couch. It looks the biz. Chicks dig lawn furniture, right? right!?

Most shockwave things are pretty shite. But this ain't. It's some sort of music machine, where you arrange parts for the jelly beans to flow through, which creates music. Beautiful and engaging. Oprah gave it 4 stars (and then ate lots of bacon). Maybe. Sorta. I dunno.

I'm going to some super hero costume party later tonight. I probably won't dress up though. I'm not cool :( Unless there is a hero called "Jumper man". His super power would be to keep fricken warm under layers of jumpers. Day-um, what a cool kat...

Next post! Give me a beat, cause it's gonna be Jane Austen post!! hold up, hold up.... Village with the longest name in Britain.

Clouds are strangers..

Thao Nguyen, Lord of swimming and cooking. "Swooking"

Cutting onions while wearing swimming goggles is the shit. Although there were red faces all around when my family came home to see it.

Quick post to remind myself that Quicky and Grug started a blog.

I bet cha "The Fantastic Four" is gonna suck my money outta my wallet and leave me with a disgusted look on my face. Maybe even the bitter taste of apples...

You slept with Insomnia's girl!!?

No, I'm not "cutting the lunch" of some super villain called Insomnia. I am, however, going through nights of insomnia (for about 6 years now). It's on and off. And it drives me bat crazy. It's battering me around like I'm Apollo Creed to it's Rocky Balboa. Boredom comes over, puts up his feet, pisses on the floor, and makes himself at home in my head. Usually I would go for a drive to/near the city. You see some crazy shit around there at 3am+. But now the rising petrol prices has forced me to scuttle my little adventures across the Melbourne urban landscape. I'm reduced to clinging onto the entertainment values of late night home shopping programs. Strange men try to sell me rotisseries and miracle blades (III). Out of space in your cupboards? Chuck it into this bag, and suck all the fricken air out! I tell you, it's not natural reducing a whole closet of clothes into a brick. Want to lose wieght, but your always hungry? Well the next time your hungry, whip out this texta looking thing and sniff it...it smells like cheeseburgers!! Egads!! Old-fashioned slang is erupting from my mouth! EGADS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was perusing Cracker's blog and a post came up that caught my eye. Well, we caught each other's eyes and it was electric from the get go. After a hot and passionate night of 'bumpety bumpety', we exchanged numbers and parted. I hope she calls...
Anyway, Crackers mentioned that all he could muster was "..shit", when he saw what happened in London. That's all *I* could muster too. Maybe we have become desensitized too the horror surrounding us. It's a shame really. I should have more emotion. More feeling. I know that a bus, Fully loaded with commuters, was obliterated. I've seen the pictures of the burnt out train shell. But I still cannot muster anything more than "..shit".

So I cheers you right back Crackers. Chins up and raised fists. And stop spreading lies and slander against my good name. I did not sing "Tubthumping"!. I also did not inhale and have sexual relations with that woman.

"Set it, and forget it!" (Alright, that's not a link for the rotisserie. It's a link to some crazy muppet show. Good value)

I fell, but they helped me back up...

The London bombings.
"DURING EMERGENCY. Please feel free to come in and stay as long as you like. Join us for tea, soft drinks, coffee. soup ON THE HOUSE."

You're an Idiot Starscream!

I gotta backtrack somewhat, and record Ol Fistah's birthday party. It started out nice and tame. Awesome party climate of free beer and wine, a pool table, jukebox, Quicky threatening to 'pick up' Rick's underage sisters (heh).... His family was there though so I had to keep the rock and roll in my loins from bursting out and giving small children epileptic fits. Although, extreme party mode cannot be contained for long... Some bits I recall:
- We concocted a story about Rick to his workmates. Some bullshit tale about him getting drunk and streaking naked through a kindergaten, while kids were erupting into tears. heh.
- Me and Kim stealing the last drinks from the bar from a couple of ATO accountants, then sniggering and grinning like super rapt fools.
- Quicky telling me to call Liz a tramp (or was it Tart?) and nearly getting my head ripped off by her.

Since the place closeing at 12:30 AM, we headed out to a bar called "Bimbo's". There, we met Crackers... who, from what I remember, said only these 2 lines to me all night. "Hey, Thao, I think that guy's giving me the ol'stink eye" and "Wonderrrr wooomann" (said like a Pauly Shore weasel scream, according to Crackers). I've only recently found out what the ol'stink eye is (after this night). You make a face that kinda looks like a crazy old man that has caught you stealing his werther's original. According to Crackers, every second guy was giving him the stink eye...
The closure of "Bimbo's" (at bout 3am?) created, what can only be called, a raging drunken party mob, only mentioned in old fairy tales. We were powerful and we were eager. One thrust of our collective pelvis's, would have toppled Mount Fuji (which, according to my friend brookehead, is located in Hawaii..heh). We were a bit suss on actually getting into a place though, what with our sheer volume of people and all. The ol' one girl for three males was going to be deployed. Turns out one of our group knew the guy at the door of "A bar called Barry's" (primary school connetion?) so we easily got in. No broo ha ha. No nothing.
You gotta love Rick. He is a stallion. From all reports, he made out with a billion women. Well, maybe 3-4. He even made out with one girl in front of the other girl. That's balls....and stupidity. Ballidity? Stupalls? Damn right I make up words..

Now for Thaozee's quick review of "War of the Worlds". It's bollocks. The CGI is nice though. Although my wish to see midget loving aliens face ream Tom Cruise was cut from the final edit :( From what I gather of the story, the aliens came to completely obliterate Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes for crimes against humanity. And cut of his willy (harr harr). I can be juvinile too :D

Since Brookey gave me a free ticket, I promised her I would go with her to Emsta's 22th birthday party. Mostly all Zagames workers there, so I was kinda outta the loop. I did meet a nice girl that loved John Farnham so much, she broke her foot dancing to his songs (I think she flipped over a couch or something). How bogan is that! I was contemplating pretending to be Brookey's boyfriend and messing with her work mates, by I decided against it. I have to play nice these days. I don't think they would have believed me anyway.

We all know the internet is for porn, so here ya go LINK. Oldskool 70's porn posters!! :D There's gold like "What number should a girl dial for MALE SERVICE" (err..my number). Also, I've been amusing myself with this Hobo-Porn title generator. So far I've got "Possum Belly Pimps" "Boxcar Bitches" and "Freeloaders Fetish" ...

I might have a second job now. Delivering Chinese takeaway for 4 hours. I bet I'm gonna meet some crazy arse people.

We'll play dead, we'll play dead!

I've endured racism, violence, questionable activity, no sleep, mind destroying flu, crippling headaches, rising petrol prices and uncertain jobs (workapalooza, as crackers might call it) in the past month an a bit. I have made around $2150. I'm tired, and I want to curse that evil monkey that has set up shop in my mind (Damn you evil monkey!!). I have 2 more days till my last big debt is paid........and I'm short. Short. Fucken short of the mark. If this didn't happen in the middle of the year, I would be alllriiight. The bill's are all joining together, like some sadistic Voltron. Work's drying up, so for the next 2 days, I'm selling my kidneys. A-grade kidneys. Kidney's that make young girls scream "Hiee-Hiee" in glee. Yes, the same kidneys that starred alongside Godzilla in the 1967 movie, "Godzilla vs Kidneylabada: The Musical". Damn right I'm hemorrhaging generosity.

Shit, I failed

So they've gone. I wish I could have gone too.

EDIT: I found a funk cover of the monkey magic theme song!! :D