Head back, nodding to the gods of the world

If I were a drop of dew,
I could take refuge on a blade of grass.

But I am only

I am not a hot head. I may be a pornstar, an idiot, a fuckwit, a hot head; but I am NOT a communist!

I've always had a fascination with...well... violence (which is too strong a word but right now I can't think). Not in the sense that I get my rocks off on it or something fetish-ee like that. I don't particularly hate anyone. I'm not angry at the world. I abhor the idea of hurting anyone without cause. The fights I've been in can only just be counted on 2 hands. So what the fuck is wrong with me Oprah?

Some of my friends know about my pot stirring when it comes to pub and bar fights. Understandingly, they view me as something of a hothead. I am captivated with the visceral nature of fights and violence. When people are brawling in some dirty pub dive, it's real. I'm watching real anger flare up. Physical, bone crunching cluster fists are exchanged. In a world where people are hidden amongst their social restraint, it's refreshing to see a human being open up their inner walls and show real emotion. My view of laughter and humour is the same. When you watch someone truly laugh without inhibitions, it's a sight to behold. Their face screws up, they make strange sounds and tears roll down their cheeks. They might slap their thighs or just completely crumble into fits. They lose control. It's bloody beautiful. It's like when you smash a plate on the ground. Sometimes you feel the liberation behind the guilt. I smashed that plate and it's completely broken! Theirs nothing I can do about that and I don't care! I imagine adrenaline junkies feel the same way. Always looking for true fear to exhilirate them. It's something of a primal urge. To see true human fire. It is the age old flirtation with oblivion. To maybe lose control a little. To throw yourself head first. Sometimes I want to just hurl things across fields. Just to show myself that, gosh darn it, I'm alive and kicking. That's why it looks so fun when people do army rolls across car bonnets in action movies! No one does it anymore.

I buggered up explaining myself. And this may actually confuse people more. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I like it because I like army rolling across car bonnets. Can I roll over yours?