He's caught the rambles, he has!

ram·ble intr.v. ram·bled, ram·bling, ram·bles

1.To move about aimlessly.
2.To walk about casually or for pleasure.
3.To follow an irregularly winding course of motion or growth.
4.To speak or write at length and with many digressions.

Something about my parents:
My dad recently started a "piggy bank" of sorts. He has this big can thing (with money designs painted on it. Complete cheese) that he pulls out when he has some spare breadsticks (I meant cash...I'll explain this another time) to plonk in. This seems to make him happy. It may seem wierd, but since I am responsible for the family's "financials", we don't allow him to spend willy-nilly. hence, he gets "pocket money" of sorts. My mum has this curious thing she does when my dad is in a bad/sad mood. She would drop a couple of $1-2 coins onto the ground, where she knows my dad will see it. When he finds it, his face always lights up. She's a thinker that woman.

So it's 3.45am. I might head out into the rain and go buy some stuff at safeway. Might write more when i come back.
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I'm back. I'm not a big fan of winter. I enjoy the light shower (and walks on the beach. Call me now), but being pelted mercilessly by a deluge of water is not my idea of fun.

/I actually wrote something else here. But I edited it out. I'll just leave this:

Secrets are strange things. We hold onto them, even though they are tearing us apart. How strange we are.

Speaking of secrets. Once again, I recommend this site. Fascinating.

This page full of "Essentialist" descriptions of English made me laugh. Some that caught my eye:

Australian (english) is essentially a dialect of English as spoken by hungry Europeans pursuing a kangaroo dinner.

--ilvi

English is essentially bad Dutch with outrageously pronounced French and Latin vocabulary.

--Eugene Holman

English is essentially Norse as spoken by a gang of French thugs.
--Benct Philip Jonsson

English is what you get from Normans trying to pick up Saxon girls.

--Bryan Malone

Pure gold. There's other languages there too.

One last thing. Australia doesn't have a "fraternity" type culture like America, but if I ever started one, I want it to be called Alpha Mega Pimpin. I have dreams too!

Hey, Tyler Durden, wanna start a fight club?

A desire to fight.
Who was right and who was wrong? What is correct, and what is incorrect? Who will decide for me? We deal in human emotions. Who will buy? Who will sell?

We are the same. We fight for each other. A desire to take another's burden. Some fight to atone. Some, from despair. Some are forced into it. We try to do what must be done. It is a desire for purpose. The purpose, though, can either destroy or create. But we all fight.

It is human to desire logic from life, but life is always one step beyond logic

We fight because of something we believe in. We fight because someone we believe in, is standing right there. The hope that the light we had lost, could maybe someday be their light. We hope for someone else's happiness and we fight. Some find peace in the fight. Some get swallowed by the burden. Some are forced to watch the mistakes of the past, replayed in full horrifying fashion. Regret and guilt becomes prevalent. And thus it spirals into the fear of failure. Trapped between the desire to stay, and the desire to run.

There! see? There was a point in time when I was free. Necessity could not hold me

We all have our reasons. "I want to see their smiling faces", "an atonement of past mistakes"... are those good enough reasons?

...but why do I sleep with fears?

So...... I haven't slept for 4 days (maybe 5 if I don't get any today). Quite strange. I haven't had this many sleepless nights for awhile. I used all of my brother's printing paper for "doodling". He's not gonna be happy. I also went around photographing ants in the early hours of the morning. I was convinced that I could catch them as they were waking up.... :P Yeh, I deal in nonsense. I did do something quite enoyable though. Took my sister's laptop down to safeway carpark and watched 'Steamboy' in my car, in the middle of the night. My room was getting a little too stuffy. It was sorta, kinda like a drive-in...but not really :P

Next week a go for a "boys weekend" with some of my friends. Quicky is moving to Canada for a year, so it's a last hurrah thingy. Well, until he comes back. This also means I'll be busy for most of this week. The end of the month means I have to make sufficient provisions for certain bills etc while I'm away.

Next post, something funny. The air of seriousness is stinging my eyes. I need to tickle my funny bones. Bring on morning! I'll fight ya! Southpaw haymakers!

It might be easier on you, if you just close your eyes

So I ran outta things to watch. 6am and those birds are at it again.
I was looking through me expenditures for the past 2 months, and realized I had spent about $1000 on fixing my car. [Expletive][Expletive]. I knew that I had to fix these problems sometime in the future of my car (no brakes = car tries to handshake some tree trunks. Starter motor to, err, start the fricken car), but I didn't want to fix them so soon. I need to save money to pay people back and go to "Toke" with my bogan mates. Some of my more environmentally minded friends might, at this point, start coughing and umming and ahhing towards a bicycle. No way! You can't cruise with your mates on a bike (sure you can start some sort of bike crew, but..). You can't pick someone up at 3 in the morning. They'll be no friendly company in the back. One of my biggest dream is too buy an old convertable cadillac, and do that "thing" like in the movies. You know:

1. Walk out to the car, while wearing an old cuban shirt
2. Slightly turn my head back to my friends behind and shout "Let's rock and roll!"
3. I slide over the bonnet of my cadillac, then into the drivers seat.
4. My friends all slide into the vehicle, WITHOUT OPENING THE DOORS. (key point there)
5. We putt away towards the beach at 60kmh, while listening to Buena Vista Social Club.

Damn. Come, summer, COME!

Things to do when I'm rich, No. 435 - Buy a really nice expensive car. Park it on the back of a truck. Hire a truck driver to drive me around while I sit in my expensive car, on the back of the truck. That's living right there...

So I was bored...

whoop whoop whoop whhoooop whoopie goldberg!

So I was going to do a write up on the mayhem that occured last night for Timdogs 24th birthday, but right now I'm feeling quite seedy, using my left hand to hold in my shattered brain. go boff go! I did have a good time and, funnily enough, one of the memories that stand out was my inability to say Whoopi Goldberg....specifically the Whoopi bit. Also, I checked my sms history and found this little gem (that I sent to captain oates at 4:30am):

"yoooouuuuuuuu!!!! I have a selection of peas and crumpets!"

Yeh, I don't know either...

Anyway, I've decided to just list all the nicknames that get bandied about by me and my friends:

(first, my nicknames)
Thuglife
T-Nugg
Jimmy Tang
Grand Master Tang
Razy (like crazy) toe
Toe Noe
(now for other's)
Crackers
Cockbitch
Flyboy
Captain Oates
Beccsta Deluxe (with strawberries on top)
Lady Wildfire
Brookehead
T-ir
B.C
Irish
Quicky
Stratty
Lozza
Kateo
Kid Dynamite (or Dyno)
Ricardo
Stuntcock
Fista
Razza
Nudge
Rodro
Rodda
Reego
Biff & Boff
Maverick
Timdog
Panigan
J-Dogg
Jazzcat
Lani
Lonewolf

Yes, I do use most of these nicknames. It's strange
If I've missed any, get me on the how's ya goin and tell me. Or send butler monkeys to deliver it. I dunno.

Out.

up and down like a yo yo. I wish I could control the mood.

What about the deaf people!?

Great night on saturday. The view was amazing! 41st floor, in the heart of the city. Good food. Good company. We did the ol "YooooHooooo! Biiiig Boooy!" (while suggestively waving an imaginary tissue) to Crackers while he worked in the kitchen. heh. I was too hungover to enjoy the night to the full extent though :( By the time we had reached a bar called "Word", most of my energy was gone. Oh well. Some memorable moments:

As we were crossing the street at the lights, Kateo questioned why the traffic lights did not have that clicking sound, and exclaimed -
"There's no sound. What about all the deaf people!? (Points to ears) Deeeaaaf people!"
heh.

Mandy getting some sound advice from ol Ricksta as she was looking for a toilet -
"Just go up to the security guard, point to your crotch and mouth the word 'piss'".


Life's about shredding a guitar (imaginary or real). Go here and shred till your heart is young again. Best game ever!!!!
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Today I woke up to birds chirping. I hate those morning birds. So fresh and oh so annoying. All I need to do is to learn how to swear in bird language, and I'll be set. KRaaaAAAk to you too! Anyway, this was worse because there was an actual bird in my room. I dunno if my dad chased it in there (while trying to catch it and help it) to piss me off and wake me up. He sure found it funny. bah!

The clinic for the broken people

Alright, who's playing funny buggers? I got a call today from a girl asking if this was the Monash women's ultrasound clinic. No, this is most definetely not the clinic. The strangest call I have ever recieved was years ago, when I picked up the phone to a male with a middle eastern accent, berating me for getting his daughter pregnant. There was colorful language all around. I kept telling him that he had the wrong number, but he insisted that he was not a fool, and that he had the 100% correct number. Sure mate, sure.

So tomorrow I go to eat at the Rialto Towers (where Crackers works) with a couple of my mates. I remember the first time I was there, I got quite drunk ($2 Cognac!) and crashed some wedding going on in the next room. I ended up dancing with a middle aged woman and her husband (it was only 3 of us on the dance floor) infront of the whole wedding guests. In hindsight, wasn't too good for Crackers if he got into trouble over that. Good thing they enjoyed the dance. ..Dance like John travolta..

Oh, and when we were there, I tried to dare Nudge to steal the rugby jerseys out of the picture frames and wear them (they were worth quite a bit). The look on Crackers face if he saw that would have been priceless. It'll be the day the music died for him. He'd have a face like a dropped pie.

btw, I never got a reply from the council. I might have to shoot off another letter...

The girl that was thought to be mine..

Back in 2001, I nearly became a father. My on-again/off-again "girlfriend" (ex by this time) informed me that she was pregnant, and that she was sure it was mine. Cue Macaulay Caulkin suprised face. I remember getting ready to ride my bike to FTG to meet up with her to talk. It looked like a short distance on my map, but turned out to be quite a slog (if I had rode). Thankfully, I recieved a call from Rodro (all was it Nudge?) asking me what I was upto. I clued him in on my predicament and he offered to drive me there. I'm ashamed to say that the second I got there, I started hitting the alcohol pretty hard. I could not handle it. If I could not even take care of myself, I could not take care of a child. It turned out not to be mine, and I moved on.
Over the years I've seen this child only a couple of times. A cute girl, with blazing eyes. Sarah, the girl that was thought to be mine. Nice kid.

I was listening to "Ben Folds - Gracie" the other day, which piqued my desire to visit the girl. I found out that she had been struck down with Meningococcal, and was currently at the Royal Childrens Hospital. This gutted me. I've been visiting her at the hospital. I fucken hate not being able to do anything. I fucken hate not being able to help the people I want to help. Here you go kid, I made you some fucken paper cranes, that'll cure your fucken illness! Top shit Thaozee! This feeling of helplessness makes me angry. Preoccupied and floundering. Estinguished fire. Stifle this feeling!. She's doing well now, but the darkness stays. Move on dark mood! Move on!! Allow me to, once again, crack stupid jokes!

It sickens me to find McDonalds in a hospital. Sickens me! I'm so......sickened right now!

You say i just can't help myself,
I really really wish i could be somewhere else,
than here
Razorlight - Somewhere else

EDITED: unnessecary whining (want some cheese with your whine? hehe). Sarah's doing fine now.

Once again, the coward regrets...

Fred Jones was worn out,
From caring for his often
Screaming and crying wife,
During the day, but...

He couldn't sleep at night for fear that she,
In a stupor from the drugs that didn't ease the pain,
Would set the house ablaze...
with a cigarette.
Ben Folds Five - Cigarette

...tonight, like some nights..

The rules of engagement

Even though I know the other letter was a joke, I wrote a letter back to Whitehorse City Council. Boredom urged me on ("just do it man! all the cool people are doing it these days! Why would I lie to you?").

Dear Mayor George Droutsas,

I received a disturbing letter from one of your lackeys the other day, by the name of Andrew Kipling. He thanked me for my herculean efforts in cleaning the Mitcham area, even though I am not a resident of Mitcham. Let it be known that I did all this because my sister is moving there and because of these other enticements I was promised:

1. A real, life sized "Fatty Lumpkin" for my personal enjoyment. I cannot lead my legion of "Damn fools" without appropriate transport. All my "Damn fools" will be demorilized by this. Careless. Very careless

2. A bottle of merlot, delivered by a crippled former soccer player, every 2nd thursday. I like to drink while watching someone else suffer

3. Jelly, specifically molded into a "T". In a gothic font.

4. An original pair of Air Jordans

5. A small consignment of ninjas (or atleast shady characters) to jack-in-box me on random days, just so my skills do not go rusty.

6. A nerdy tag along, so it'll look like I am the alpha male

7. Pure "love", bottled in a pure gold bottle. Marked as Pepsi. To be sold to me in a Large Bacon and cheese burger combo from KFC.

8. A limo driver who addresses me as 'Sir Reginald'. Limo not needed. Just the driver

9. An old cadillac, with fluffy dice hanging from the rear view mirror.

As you can see, I am a man of finer tastes. These unfulfilled promises are not acceptable! Do something about your man Kipling. His drive to succeed is sorely lacking. Now, I expect what is rightfully mine by the 28th of september. If these promises or not fulfilled by then, I will drink heavily and shout at little kids, in a British accent. I hope we see eye to eye on this. The only thing you have done right is the Keith Sweats cassette album. That is the only thing keeping this letter civil. Now I will say good day to you sir.

Yours Sincerily

T. N
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I hope they don't send people round to my house to brain me...

Mitcham owes me a tenner

I recieved the strangest letter the other day. I assume a mate's playing funny buggers with me. It was sent by one Andrew Kipling, who is the vice president of.....well, nothing? Here's the letter:

Dear Thao

Just writing on behalf of myself and the other dedicated volunteers of "Clean up Mitcham" to thank you for your extraordinary efforts on the weekend of the 30th! Many of the volunteers commented on your enthusiasm and passion for the project even though you're not a citizen of Mitcham and found this to be heartwarming to say the very least

I also wanted to personally thank you for your advice on adding baking soda to the seed of the lorikeets at the Mitcham aviary to help with breeding (!?!?!). It was a smashing success, there are now two mating pairs out of the eight and both are believed to expecting in the next month, it's an exciting time for all. I hope you can come down and visit our expectant mothers in this time if it is to your convenience, I'm sure Mr Johback would be most interested to talk to you about further advice regarding the aviary,

Also by this time I'm sure you have found enclosed a copy of Keith Sweats album "Keep it comin" on cassette, featuring the smash hit single "I want to love you down" which I found in the bottom of a old suitcase in my house last week, You earned it!

Once again from myself and the rest of the committee, a big thanks you!!, You will forever be a friend tot he city of Mitcham and we hope to see you at our next meeting at the community centre on the 16th of august at 7:30pm.

Yours sincerely

Andrew Kipling
Vice President

What the fuck!?

It's safe to say that my parents don't understand funk. They watch me throwing my fists around and shouting "woooo!", and they think I'm on drugs again. Hmmm, how do I translate "I'm high on life" into vietnamese? Anyway, I recommend "Blow Fly, the funkiest obscene muther I've heard in a while. Props to Crackers for showing me the light.

Steady now, steady

Once upon a time I dreamed I was a butterfly,
fluttering hither and thither,
to all intents and purposes a butterfly.
I was conscious only of following my fancies as a butterfly,
and was unconscious of my individuality as a man.
Suddenly I woke, and there I lay, myself again.
Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly,
or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man