The word on the street...

jordo... says:
silent submarine sex is officially in the urban dictionary
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
haha did you add it in?
jordo... says:
yeah
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
good stuff. I went to work after tuesday night. completely seedy and and in danger of ralphing in the van
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
the first break I got I had a nap in one of the grape tree aisles
jordo... says:
haha, your lucky I put my phone on silent, would have been extremely pissed off if I got woken up 4 times with gay french messages
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
HAHAHAH don't ask me why we were sending you french msgs
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
someone would say something about french, then crackers would go "WE SHOULD SEND THAT TO JORDAN!!!"...so we did
jordo... says:
let me repeat the messages i got
jordo... says:
jarrod - andre agassi has two sacks, one is magic and gives him tennis powers but directly contributed to his early balding
jordo... says:
u - ur mamma is jemima puddle duck
jordo... says:
paul - sacre bleur the french are mating
jordo... says:
u - im french and retarded
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
HAHAHAHA that shit is gold
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
we talked aobut andre agassi's 2 ball sacks for ages
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
btw, who is jemima puddleduck?
jordo... says:
dude, why would i know?
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
crackers told me to write jemima puddleduck. I assumed he thought u knew about it
jordo... says:
haha, dude
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
hurray for raffle beer slab!
jordo... says:
hah, fuck u
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
you shoulda stayed man. as can be plainly seen, we had a ripper
jordo... says:
ralphing in the middle of teaching rounds wouldn't have gone down well
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
according to crackers, all males fold their toilet paper and females scrunch. but brooke folds cause she hangs round us boys too much
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
hahah kids love it when their teachers throw up..shows em you are human
jordo... says:
I scrunch
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
!!! you and troy are girls!!!!
jordo... says:
you and crackers are girls
jordo... says:
folding, what a waste of time
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
the statistics never lie!!!!
Thaozee (The french are mating!) cooking says:
we're civilised people! folding is the way

Normal conversations don't exist!

Zanzibar, Perrywobble and Harold, how about a spot of vandalism?

So there is some new crew/posse tagging my neighborhood. "Sample" or "SA" seems to be tagged everywhere I look. I swear if they get anywhere near my street, I'm gonna have to hide in the bushes and jack-in-the-box them when they show.

But since we're in a vandalism mood. I was thinking of breaking into someone's backyard and planting a medium sized tree in there. I wonder how they would react... Maybe I could keep tabs on them to see if they water it, then steal it back when it thrives. I live to mess with minds. The horror I will sow.

...It might not be the same anymore, but someday I want to go. Really really want to go...

I found that quote floating around the internet. It was a comment left on someone else's blog. The meaning is different then what I may be be implying here

Man, I really need a cigarette. Post to curb the cravings. Some music I think people shoudl listen too. Or, in German, You must lizen to ze music immediatly. German efficiency prevails.

I recommend a band called Band of Horses. They are a cross between The Shins and My Morning Jacket.

If i stayed behind
would you let your hair grow?
I will forget
the favors that you owe
I'm dreaming of car wrecks and thunderstorms bright
let's bury ourselves
and go haunt someone tonight

I know you tried
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
when hollywood was calling out your name

My other recommendation is the Aussie hip hop crew The Herd's new album. I have the song "Starship Trooper" (Ozi Batla) on high rotation (Yes I am a DJ on a prominent radio station. Yes I am a liar)

Lost in deep cover,
“Dear John,” said his lover’s last letter
Emptied a full clip to feel better,
Slipped a rung on Jacob's ladder,
Desert boot camp deserter got stung by death adder,

Don’t get mad get even madder,
A10 tank killer fodder,
Interrogate? Why bother…
My brother for a last cigarette, no please not yet
One last dance, lest we regret

Look me in the eye, GI, and tell me you’re not tired,
Tired to death sir, tired till it hurts
Now this shit couldn’t get much worse

Well it may…

We march at the break of day
And come what may, rules of engagement say
We will stand to the very last, shrapnel blast

A casket goes home….
Sons and daughters wrapped in stars and stripes to keep ‘em warm

Under red orange dawn we draw the line
And those on the other side must stand and fight
Tracers like fourth of July in the night
Lighting up like Hiroshima…
The perfect sight

**** CHORUS******
I’m a Starship Trooper
This is my letter to dad, transferred from Saigon to Baghdad
And now I’m dead…
An allied soldier, with skin boils from Ebola
I’ll bring you back a souvenir of what we stole

I was only nineteen
Joined for the pay packet
Now my full metal jacket won’t take one more hit
I don’t give two shits about oil interests
But depleted uranium, just gave Joe a fit

Captain Kurtz said, “fight till the hurt stops“
Yet all I can see is burned crops
And mates shell-shocked
Morphine under lock and key
Their AK’s talking to my M16

Pray for friendly fire
Haven’t seen a priest, but plenty of funeral pyres
Triage nurse is dying
My name in the paper
Next to a faceless dictator
And another flag to drape
Hey yo, check

Here’s the commanding officer
A total mess again
Crying in the mess tent
How to make mice or mince meat of his men….

I'm posting up the full lyrics because it's the first Hip Hop song that has made me nearly shed man tears. No, Kriss Kross's "Jump" Doesn't count.

The wah wah guitar never stops

I met someone I knew when I was 15 the other day. And when I say knew, I mean she was my drug dealer.

From what I gathered, she does not deal anymore. Some sort of real estate agent now. An ex-pusher who took advantage of a 15 year old. Or maybe I took advantage of her? She was a slimy, 3 handed woman. Left handed, right handed and underhanded. Probably well suited to palming off real estate I suppose. I was hoping to see signs of remorse.

It's strange when you collide with pieces of the past. The dance of violence and fury echoes and reverberates through you mind. It's been years, but you find that you've barely moved away from the cliff edge.

I should have been angry. I should have been at the apex of fury. Damn you! Damn you for destroying my childhood.

But all that went through my head was:

I can't believe I used to hang out with a woman called Vera

Recaps

My weekends have been brutal, but I love them. Waking up in a neighborhood that I know nothing about. This weekend though, I'm taking it slow. Lack of funds and lack of SUPERHUMAN RADIOACTIVE POWERtm. Some things I remember from last week:

Rick drinking puppy milk

Nudge storming off to ralph on the front lawn. Everytime we came out to tell him to come in or go home, he would say "Just give me 5 more minutes, and I'll go home. 5 more minutes". He was there for hours.

Flyboy cannot balance a bowl of chips on his head while walking across the room.

The drinking democracy is both fair and important to the state of the nation. If we drink, you drink.

Deploying Troy-boy as a "Do-not-let-Thao-drink-tequila" alarm is pointless. Troy is a bastard mong that lets tragedy strike.

The phrase "lordy lordy, man alive" shall be used henceforth for all eternity

Tong Po is my god. Tong Po has many uses. For example: I would like to buy a Tong Po amount of chips.

That's all I remember. Also everyweek we have operation names for doing everything.

Operation My little Pony - Cleaning Beccs room after we played Jenga on top of her with her clothes

Operation wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey - The hunt for food

Operation tresspassers will be severly punched - The hunt for food in Ivanhoe

Operation red crystal - Go home and chill

Fingers of steel

Was I was younger, I used to enjoy grabbing bees with my fingers and watching them buzz till I let them go. This act quickly stopped when I was inevetably stung by one. It baffeled me at the time because their was no sting mark. Just the remains of a flower seed.

"Nobody Knows"...

...is beautiful. Based on an article in the 80's, it tells the story of 4 children, abandoned by their mother in a small apartment building. An achingly tragic movie, with a suprising amount of heart. A tale of desperate children, trying to hold on to their innocence.

A review here and here.

(A word of warning. It is a really slow moving film. Snail pace-aaaaaarrrr)

Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fife!
To all the sensual world proclaim,
One crowded hour of glorious life
Is worth an age without a name.

Walter Scott "Answer"

Voltron 2006

I wrote this for my little cousins while I was babysitting them tonight.

YOU
DIG
VOLTRON!

I
DIG
VOLTRON!

CHICKS
DIG
VOLTRON!

*kickass guitar riff*

(The only step left is to profit)

The saddest thing...

...is a man with no arms and legs, crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken someday.

And that they'll play together in the field when it gets better

*I woke up confused and seedy.I dropped into my bed like a ton of bricks. It's now 5am. I'm late for work. I'm gonna go speartackle my breakfast*

Voltron

I MUST WRITE ABOUT VOLTRON!

But I have to go to work now.

PUNK'd

I was once chased out of a flat, by a man with a butcher's knife.

I was at this girl's house and her father was supposed to be away for the weekend.

"We have the flat to ourselves, Thao..." as she fluttered her eyes and grinned.

My mind conjured images of possibilities. But where to get parachutes and crusade era knight armour at this time of night...

I had just taken off all my clothes except for my boxer shorts when, showing what could only be precise comedic timing, her father burst in. He took one look at the scene and bolted into the kitchen. INTERMISSION!

*Okay, asian father 101: Fathers are very protective of their daughters. Some asian fathers go a bit further by scaring their daughter's boyfriends with knives and swords. I have witnissed my uncle chasing his daughter's (then) boyfriend down the road, with a machete. It's a pants browning situation.*

Now, the second he ran into the kitchen with the facial expression of a constipated Hulk, I knew fully well I had to leg it out of there. Running down the stairs from the 9th floor, half naked is no fun. I never looked back till I got outside the building and behind the bushes. I was stranded in richmond (in the slums side) for a good hour.

Have I written down this story before?

Is Thao Nguyen gonna have to choke a bitch?

I hear talk of "Australian values" all the time. Our politicians endlessly spin these notions into their speeches ad nauseum. Recently our Finance Minister, Peter Costello, caused controversy for basically making an ultimatum to migrants, accept "Australian values" or leave.

One problem there Ol'Costello pants, what the hell is Australian values?

If it's this "mateship" you all harp on about, or looking this tolerence for other cultures... well, Mr Costello, I can tell you right now that those values are basic human values. They are not Aussie specific.

If it's beer, footy, singlets, thongs, utes, cricket and meat pies... then it's cliches and stereotypes you want. They are not values.

So tell me, how do I become a true Australian citizen? Where do I sign up to learn these mythical values?

(I know what you meant Mr Costello, but your vague and heavy handed comments are bullshit)

Posting in the name of...

(Title must be read to the tune of Rage Against the Machine's - Killing in the name of)

So it's been 6 months since our boy Quicky (Sticky Quicky) left us for the obscure nation of Caaaaaaanada. WHo know's what havoc he has caused with his mangler over there. As promised, I'm posting up some Tocumwal pics for him. Here goes:



This is Ben 'Please don't introduce me to your freinds as Quicky' Quick. In this pic, I assume he is pretending to be awake. I'm also pretty sure he thinks that banana is a mobile phone. Always the joker.



This is the Mangler trophy, as shown with the current champion of the mangler. This is waiting for you Benny.



Some of your favorite boys, in their native toga. Bryan is teaching Troy how to read his palms. Grug is knitting.



Benny, me and Crackers doing our Beastie Boys intergalactic dance. I hope you've been practicing

Maybe more later. Hope you like it Quicky

The name is Bond...Jimmy Bond... :(

I was going to write some stuff, but my head feels like it's full of rocks. I've been feeling something coming on all day. So it's off to the doctors for me tomorrow, err, today.

I bought something interesting the other day. It was some kind of energy drink that I found in one of those budget grocery stores. It caught my eye as it was marketed as an aphrodisiac. It was emblazoned with words like "LOVE HERBS" and "FROM SWEDEN WITH LOVE" (Bond!?) and "NATURAL EXCITEMENT", which as we all know, are red flags in my mind. For 50c, I could not go wrong. It was probably a discontinued product. I tell you what though. It gave me with nearly an immediate buzz of euphoria. Nothing overwhelming (so no, I don't have to run from the boys in blue), but it made me feel more like I had more energy. Distilled from superman blood? You tell me... All I know is the Swedish are on to something.

Back to sleep methinks.

Please be here until the morning
Hold my hand until the morning
Chase my fears until the morning
Till you promise life
Please be here

Hawksley Workman - Stop Joking Around

It was mostly sweet, but you were the sweetest of all

Business is business

Court is over.

I recieved an acknowledgment that I indeed tried to sort something out about my owing payments. They acknowledged, but they did not apologize. I'm $900 down and I've sold the necklace (sorry S.S).

I am furious and I've broken many, many plates.

But, it was my mum's birthday today, so I bought her new plates. Huzzah!
---
Crackers told me this. I barely had a memory of it. From the party recently:

Random girl: boobs blah blah blah boobs

Me (as I pass by): Are you talking about boobs?

Random girl: Was I talking to you? This has nothing to do with you

Me: But you're talking bout tit's yeah? Tit's are every man's business!

Not very classy I know. If I know you and I said this to you, then sorry. If not, then buuuuurned.

(If I wrote this wrong, tell me what I wrote wrong. Because my memory of it is hazy)