The girl that was thought to be mine..

Back in 2001, I nearly became a father. My on-again/off-again "girlfriend" (ex by this time) informed me that she was pregnant, and that she was sure it was mine. Cue Macaulay Caulkin suprised face. I remember getting ready to ride my bike to FTG to meet up with her to talk. It looked like a short distance on my map, but turned out to be quite a slog (if I had rode). Thankfully, I recieved a call from Rodro (all was it Nudge?) asking me what I was upto. I clued him in on my predicament and he offered to drive me there. I'm ashamed to say that the second I got there, I started hitting the alcohol pretty hard. I could not handle it. If I could not even take care of myself, I could not take care of a child. It turned out not to be mine, and I moved on.
Over the years I've seen this child only a couple of times. A cute girl, with blazing eyes. Sarah, the girl that was thought to be mine. Nice kid.

I was listening to "Ben Folds - Gracie" the other day, which piqued my desire to visit the girl. I found out that she had been struck down with Meningococcal, and was currently at the Royal Childrens Hospital. This gutted me. I've been visiting her at the hospital. I fucken hate not being able to do anything. I fucken hate not being able to help the people I want to help. Here you go kid, I made you some fucken paper cranes, that'll cure your fucken illness! Top shit Thaozee! This feeling of helplessness makes me angry. Preoccupied and floundering. Estinguished fire. Stifle this feeling!. She's doing well now, but the darkness stays. Move on dark mood! Move on!! Allow me to, once again, crack stupid jokes!

It sickens me to find McDonalds in a hospital. Sickens me! I'm so......sickened right now!

You say i just can't help myself,
I really really wish i could be somewhere else,
than here
Razorlight - Somewhere else

EDITED: unnessecary whining (want some cheese with your whine? hehe). Sarah's doing fine now.