The rules of engagement
Even though I know the other letter was a joke, I wrote a letter back to Whitehorse City Council. Boredom urged me on ("just do it man! all the cool people are doing it these days! Why would I lie to you?").
Dear Mayor George Droutsas,
I received a disturbing letter from one of your lackeys the other day, by the name of Andrew Kipling. He thanked me for my herculean efforts in cleaning the Mitcham area, even though I am not a resident of Mitcham. Let it be known that I did all this because my sister is moving there and because of these other enticements I was promised:
1. A real, life sized "Fatty Lumpkin" for my personal enjoyment. I cannot lead my legion of "Damn fools" without appropriate transport. All my "Damn fools" will be demorilized by this. Careless. Very careless
2. A bottle of merlot, delivered by a crippled former soccer player, every 2nd thursday. I like to drink while watching someone else suffer
3. Jelly, specifically molded into a "T". In a gothic font.
4. An original pair of Air Jordans
5. A small consignment of ninjas (or atleast shady characters) to jack-in-box me on random days, just so my skills do not go rusty.
6. A nerdy tag along, so it'll look like I am the alpha male
7. Pure "love", bottled in a pure gold bottle. Marked as Pepsi. To be sold to me in a Large Bacon and cheese burger combo from KFC.
8. A limo driver who addresses me as 'Sir Reginald'. Limo not needed. Just the driver
9. An old cadillac, with fluffy dice hanging from the rear view mirror.
As you can see, I am a man of finer tastes. These unfulfilled promises are not acceptable! Do something about your man Kipling. His drive to succeed is sorely lacking. Now, I expect what is rightfully mine by the 28th of september. If these promises or not fulfilled by then, I will drink heavily and shout at little kids, in a British accent. I hope we see eye to eye on this. The only thing you have done right is the Keith Sweats cassette album. That is the only thing keeping this letter civil. Now I will say good day to you sir.
Yours Sincerily
T. N
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I hope they don't send people round to my house to brain me...
Dear Mayor George Droutsas,
I received a disturbing letter from one of your lackeys the other day, by the name of Andrew Kipling. He thanked me for my herculean efforts in cleaning the Mitcham area, even though I am not a resident of Mitcham. Let it be known that I did all this because my sister is moving there and because of these other enticements I was promised:
1. A real, life sized "Fatty Lumpkin" for my personal enjoyment. I cannot lead my legion of "Damn fools" without appropriate transport. All my "Damn fools" will be demorilized by this. Careless. Very careless
2. A bottle of merlot, delivered by a crippled former soccer player, every 2nd thursday. I like to drink while watching someone else suffer
3. Jelly, specifically molded into a "T". In a gothic font.
4. An original pair of Air Jordans
5. A small consignment of ninjas (or atleast shady characters) to jack-in-box me on random days, just so my skills do not go rusty.
6. A nerdy tag along, so it'll look like I am the alpha male
7. Pure "love", bottled in a pure gold bottle. Marked as Pepsi. To be sold to me in a Large Bacon and cheese burger combo from KFC.
8. A limo driver who addresses me as 'Sir Reginald'. Limo not needed. Just the driver
9. An old cadillac, with fluffy dice hanging from the rear view mirror.
As you can see, I am a man of finer tastes. These unfulfilled promises are not acceptable! Do something about your man Kipling. His drive to succeed is sorely lacking. Now, I expect what is rightfully mine by the 28th of september. If these promises or not fulfilled by then, I will drink heavily and shout at little kids, in a British accent. I hope we see eye to eye on this. The only thing you have done right is the Keith Sweats cassette album. That is the only thing keeping this letter civil. Now I will say good day to you sir.
Yours Sincerily
T. N
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I hope they don't send people round to my house to brain me...
posted by Thaozee at 8:44 PM
1 Comments:
LOL.
your sense of humor is fantastic :)
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