The queen and the thief...

From the window, they see her
Tears falling on unfolded sheets
Who does she cry for?
The neighbours think I beat her.

Don't ask questions, just keep strumming and he'll go away...

Now this is a blast from the past.

Near the end of my year 12, I decided I would go through my punk phase, because I had forgotten to go through that phase during all my years of highschool. I would fit it in before I graduated. If teen movies have taught me anything at all, it's that I have to punk it up atleast for a week.

This picture taken in my studio arts class on our dress up day. I actually painted those empire spikes with acrylic paint, which was a gigantic bitch to wash out at the end of the day. The picture is cropped so you can't see the plaid skirt (couldn't find a kilt) I was wearing (with sexy shorts underneath, ofcourse). Unfortunately I did not win the best dressed prize (forgot who did), but I did end up winning the overall "best hair of the year" award. That's right ladies! I am the reason for the fire in your loins.

I think the girl's name was Kylie Muesli (last name maybe spelt different). In that picture I think she's wearing some crazy uber jeans, that is made up of a patchwork of lesser jeans. Denim that's been used and left to die. Denim dreams crushed, as the fickle empire of fashion oppress their pitiful existence of being the reason the question "Does my bum look big in this" plagues men's "leave me alone I'm watching sports" time all over the world. Either that or it's camo jeans, which we all know even the most flamboyant of gay men wouldn't touch with a disinfected pink whip.

Sayonara, again and again

I sometimes have this dream or a variation of it, where a girl with red shoes tells me "nakanai de kudasai".

But I do anyway.

And I want to tell her that I never did learn Japanese. I speaka no...J-neez

Off to work. I'm thinking of sneaking my dogs up with me

They say he built a flying city, and flew into the sunset...

You may not believe me.

You may even think I've gone nutters.

But I've managed to Macgyven (I make up words to boost my ego) my computer into operational status using:

a. A long piece of thread
b. 2 Plastic cones
c. 2 floppy disks (to prop up the cones)
d. Some lego pieces
e. Shouting "I AM JACGYVER, BROTHER OF MACGYVER! AND I CAN TRANSFORM EQUALLY AS WELL AS ANY TRANSFORMER OUT THERE!"

This is no joke. I could make up better jokes if I wanted to be funny. Okay, the sound doesn't seem to work...and a couple of other ports, but that does not make me any less of a genius. I swear, small islands in the pacific worship me. They erect statues that block out the sun. And they sing the songs that I wanna sing! And..and...they don't walk, they soar!

And their voices sound like swing music!

uh hmm..

But now I can't move the thing because I'm scared the lego pieces would fall out.

Oh well, least now I can finish off my freelance graphic design work and get paid.

On my signal...give them hell!

Today my parents wanted to buy a fridge.

Not because we needed a new fridge, but because they thought we might someday need another fridge and that the bonus offer of $400 worth of free petrol was just too enticing to let slip by.

I almost had a heart attack. One part of my mind was screaming at the other part. Is it a sign of madness if your brain is embroiled in a civil war? Cold, Logical brain waves lobbing cerebral artillery shells at creative hippy thought patterns, as they raise their home made peace signs in the air and sing songs in soft, delicate tones.

I flat out refused to buy it and now they are angry at me.

If you want to buy something, buy me some damn sneakers! Some cool ones that make me look like an extra in a breakdancing movie!

You are suffering from the German sickness of Lederholden Ach ze Tung!

"It's alright" said the nurse, like a pilot of an airplane that had only one engine and it was on fire, "Your mother is fine"

My mum was just just discharged out of the hospital. I had been trying to get her discharged for my sister's engagement shindig all through the weekend. Unfortunately it was Easter weekend and I was told I needed the doctor on her case to discharge. So she missed out on the party.

Liars.

When I did get to see the doctor and told her what happened, she mentioned that any doctor could have discharged her. Infact she herself was supposed to discharge her before she went on holidays.

I tried to spit fire out of my eyes. Suprisingly, they would not comply with my wishes. I would have to have a chat with my eyes some day. Growling didn't work either. I nearly choked trying. Then there was a moment that was a cross between a pregnant pause and a silent samba (And somewhere out there, a middle aged man was attempting to do the Cha-cha-cha underwater. Somekind of mid-life crisis). She had recognised my anger. It seems I was messing with a veteran in recognising obvious anger. Some kind of Homo-superior with uneven shoulders. She tried to smile and frown at the same time. Which, as we all know, just makes you look like you are regretting that curry and sushi for lunch. It looks painful, and often makes you wonder if Ghengis Khan pulled that same face, just before he screamed his battle cry and led 10,000 hairy men on horses down a hill.

Unfortunately I was forced to shoot the helpless doctor out of a cannon, and into a box of Rove McManus jokes. I then abused her in German and sped off in a decommisioned Panzer tank.

I hear Morse people

Experiencing problems STOP
Computer kinda imploded STOP
Stay Funky STOP

Murphy's Law

Anything that can gor wrong, will go wrong

I will be away for a couple of days. My mum was just admitted to hospital


Knuckles clenched to white as the landing gears retract for flight
My head's a balloon inflating with the altitude

Ben Gibbard

The bear deserved it. I swear

Today a police officer came to my door and confiscated my driver's licence. I am suspended from driving for 12 months. Most likely a fine will be coming my way in a couple of weeks when my case reaches the courts.

That's all right and good if they counted those months from nearer to the time of my accident. Their promise of "6 weeks" has become nearly a 6 month wait to process my blood alcohol concentration. In that time I have refrained from driving a vehicle (unless I was heading down to Safeway or to return a movie). I do not drive to work (farm and takeaway shop). I caught public transport or asked for lifts from friends and family. Now you are telling me my driving suspension starts right fucken now!? So the 12month suspension is really an 18 month suspension? With my suspension possibly going even higher when it reaches the courts? 18+ month suspension and a fine? Damn you.

Congratulations. You've won. It's finished. You've broken me. I'm done. I am tired, thin and stretched. You've helped me dig my own hole. Now you are filling it up and I don't want to fight my way out anymore. I don't see the flowers bloom. There are no more bright colors. The people do not have shining eyes. I did everything right, and I did everything wrong. And I've paid, and I've paid, and I've paid and I've paid. It doesn't get any lighter. And it doesn't get any easier. A dreamer, when I should have been a realist. Take a bow, you are the jester and the clown of the piece. Take a bow you piece of shit. Take a bow and reap what you sow.



All that's needed has been said, why say anything more? The man is drunk, why stay any longer?

Gu Long






Maybe this post was an excuse to post this great picture?

I was stoned, baked and out of my mind

Today I had 2 strange encounters with stoned people.

The first was in Springvale, as I was walking past the McDonalds. An obviously baked guy thought I was his mate and offered me weed. I kindly declined his offer of a plastic bag of leaf (!!) and went on my way.

The other was out the front of Safeway. 2 stoned chicks got out of a car, flashed their breasts at me and ran into Safeway giggling.

Also, today I was so bored, I stood in K-Mart playing X-box 360 for nearly an hour, while kids were behind me waiting for a turn (I think one cried). Wait till the man finishes and you can have a go... harr harr harr. Cop that kiddies

Rules for our drinking democracy are as follows:

There must always be an odd amount of members (for votes).

The voting process goes: If more than half the members are drinking alcohol, all members must drink.

There are no exceptions to the voting process. No members has any veto power.

Secret handshakes and dances may come into effect very soon

All drinking sessions resided by members must start the night with the phrase "Parliament is in session"

Drinks will be met with similar drinks. Beer for beer, shot for shot.

My BDSM safe word is...

...'Landlubber'

Well I'd like to think I'm the mess you'd wear with pride.

I used to know a girl who would call my mobile phone for a second, then hang up, when she was thinking of me. At the time I found it an amusing display of teenage poverty, where money would be spent on essential teenage survival kits consisting of booze, cigarettes and clothes. Phone credit was a luxury.

I find a sort of sweet comfort in thinking about it now. It was nice to find out she thought about you 7 times during the night. Cheesy warmth on a cold night like this.

APPEND!

I've found the joys of swing music!

Get the dance floor...swinging!