Dropping your cigarette while on the freeway is insane

Driving, for me, was the only thing I felt I had control of. As I barreled down the freeway at 3am, I made myself imagine that right at that moment I could go anywhere I wanted. Just punch that accelerator and away I bloody went. Cigarette hanging from my mouth, wind flowing through the open wndows. I've never felt I've had much control of anything else. It's like things have already been decided for me. I have a quota to work to. I do things that must be done. But I don't work for the desire of anything anymore. There's not much colour in what I see. Driving let me dream for a little while that I was doing what I wanted. But now I know that I've never had a way out (atleast one that I can visualize). There's not much beyond that hill. And there's not much behind me either. So I keep my mind in a permanent rush and hope that I never stop long enough to think about it. I'm feeling a bit melancholy...and maybe some infinite sadness. Fuck you Billy Corgan! I have about 11 months to go. Anyway, thanks to everyone that's been giving me lifts. I feel like an invalid.

I'm going to start uploading some music from now on. This week's music theme is cars and driving.

Since I'm always needing people to drive me around these days, I'm putting up Death Cab for Cutie - Passenger Seat from the Transatlanticism album. It's a slow song driven by a piano that's being played underwater (or atleast it sounds like that) and Ben Gibbard singing while marooned on Sputnik. "With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter." Enjoy.

[MP3] Death Cab for Cutie - Passenger seat