Bandits have taken my daughter and all the gold in the village!

So I woke up this morning in an empty house, with a slinky in my right hand. Not my house. I had questions, but there was no one to give me answers. I wondered aimlessly around the streets till I found a shop that was not closed. Bought chips and overpriced non-cold orange juice, and trundled back. My hair did one of those freak out things, when it just doesn't want stay cool, and everyone's saying "take a chill pill". I looked like I had been wrestling with pure fucken electricity. Vague memories passed in an out. Some guy I don't remember told me to lock the back door. But I didn't? cardboard masks were strewn around the floor. Enough beer bottles to sink the titanic. Portishead, relentlessly playing in the background. More vague memories. A cowboy that could've been a cowgirl. Some kind of intervention for Rick and the girl who denied him. Trying to sneak in to urinate in the vegetable garden. Random people running in looking to start a fight. Me, crackers and flyboy chugging all our beer and assuming the ol "I-am-going-to-bottle-yous" pose. Jesse exclaiming that she was a "wog" and that she knew how to handle these "wogs", then proceeding to tell them to piss off. Me, wearing the glasses of a sex god. Dancing, oh so much dancing. The lesbian handbook (with step 1 being: you must like girls).

Then it came back to me, like a thunderstorm in the backseat.

Tequila

Never end the night on Tequila shots.